I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
