Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
