he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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