I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
