she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
