Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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