Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
