I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize