twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
