Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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