a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
