but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
