I accidentally had phone sex last night
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
