I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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