so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
