can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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