The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
