I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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