You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
