Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
