the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
