so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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