Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
