Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
