i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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