why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
