Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
