I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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