I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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