remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize