you guys were way drunker than both of me
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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