Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's never too late to be topless.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
