it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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