I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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