I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
