Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just want to make out with him forever
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
