I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
