i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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