OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize