You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
