I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
