I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
