Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Go christen that room with your naked body.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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