she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
