he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
there is glitter all over my balls
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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