I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
