I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Everyone says I win the strip club
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
