I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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