There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
