There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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