I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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