Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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