Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
