when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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