you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
