Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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