Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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