im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
