I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
