i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
