My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
