My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
