Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
