You're a womanizer and a bitch.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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