Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
