I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
