My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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