Dude my mom stole all your condoms
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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